Everyone said it would fly by and it really did. The special day we anticipated for months came and went in a flash. Now, it has been a whole 100 days since Will and I got married. While it seems like we got married yesterday, we have also accomplished and learned a lot in the past 100 days! Today I wanted to share the truth about our first 100 days of marriage. People often question if marriage really changes the dynamic of a relationship, so I am going to touch on that as well. Here are our honest and personal opinions.
For both of us, married life has not felt much different from the year we spent engaged. I moved in with Will last summer, so aside from us (mainly me!) doing some additional decorating now that we are married, our home dynamic is the same. We still go grocery shopping, cook together and enjoy talking about our days on walks at night. It’s not particularly exciting or glamorous but they are the steady aspects of our relationship we can find comfort in.
Our Biggest Change
We instantly agreed on what the single biggest change is that we have experienced since entering into married life. Now, we have much more free time! We knew wedding planning was taking up a lot of time, even more than I had originally anticipated. But, I didn’t realize just how much it took the focus off our long term plans, something Will and I have loved talking and dreaming about together since day one. Now that we are married, conversations about our future together are back in full force. We have a renewed excitement for where we are right now and everything that is to come.
Since getting married, other changes for us have included a new job for Will and some changes in my career. Will’s new job requires more travel than his previous one, so I have had to (and am still trying to) get used to weeks with less quality time than I’d like! I welcome any and all tips for those of you with a partner who travels a lot.
Level of Commitment
While we agreed about having extra time to think about our plans, Will and I have different views when it comes to the commitment that comes with marriage. Will said today he feels no different about his commitment to me than he did last year. I, however, can’t help but feel like sharing our vows publicly cemented and strengthened our commitment to each other. It is hard to explain, but I have felt an extra comfort and security ever since we exchanged our vows.
I wonder if our difference in opinion is something men and women often view differently. Will, like most men, solidified his commitment when he decided to propose. In contrast, I place a lot of value on words, so I feel like there was a difference in me saying, “Yes, I’ll marry you!” and “I promise I’ll always be there for you. I am yours forever.”
The first 100 days have been action-packed and full of change for us. We have a tendency to pack a lot on our plates and do as many fun things as we can. While this is an intention that comes from our excitement to do new things together, we’ve had to remind ourselves that there is no reason to rush. Slowing down and spreading out our plans helps us enjoy each new and individual experience more thoroughly.
In the past 100 days, we have celebrated my little brother’s high school graduation and my grandfather’s 80th birthday. We’ve gotten some beach time with family, had a long weekend in the woods and have enjoyed a hike, kayaking and two motorcycle racing weekends. Looking back, I’m not sure how we did all these things! We were originally supposed to go to Europe the month after our wedding, and due to feeling overwhelmed with all the things on our schedules, we postponed that trip. That might just be the best, first decision we made as a married couple! Hopefully, we can continue to pace ourselves.
When I first met Will, I was overwhelmed by all the questions he asked and just how much he wanted to know about me. Our relationship has grown a lot since that hot summer day, but I’m constantly reminded there are lessons learn about each other and our relationship. We are constantly growing and discovering new things about each other.
Three years into our relationship and 100 days into our marriage and I still wake up thinking, “How did I get so lucky?!” I hope we never stop feeling grateful to have each other. But, just like before marriage, we have our ups and downs, both individually and as a couple. One of the hardest times for me before marriage was losing my job. But going through that experience together gave us a vital lesson. When one of us is down, the person who is in a better state, has to pull the other back up and offer support. Our highs and lows provide us with lessons to make our relationship stronger. We love each other without expectation that the other will magically “save us,” and with the appreciation that being with the other person makes our lives feel completely whole.
“In all the world there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world there is no love for you like mine.” – Maya Angelou
Before marriage, I wondered whether or not marriage can change relationship dynamics, and I have a new perspective now that I’m married. I don’t think a relationship changing positively or negatively after marriage is necessarily the result of the marriage. The quality of a marriage is the result of the continual time and care both partners put in.
Are you married or planning a wedding? I would love to hear if you think marriage changes the dynamic of relationships.
Do you think the level of commitment changes when you get married? Or, do you think marriage is just a social construct and a legal change that doesn’t matter? Let’s chat in the comments.
The Truth about the First 100 Days of Marriage — PIN ME!